How Parents Can Help Students Navigate School: Peer Pressure and Cliques

We all expect our kids to experience peer pressure in high school, but kids of all ages can feel peer pressure.

​Peer pressure is nothing new, and it’s still no easier to say “no” to friends when you want to. Some kids give into peer pressure because they:

• Feel they’ll be more liked
• Are afraid of the repercussions of not giving in
• Want to be liked or fit in
• Are curious to try something new​

​No matter the reason, kids need to learn how to deal with peer pressure. Start the conversation with your kids at an early age, so they will be prepared to handle moments of peer pressure. Approval of peers becomes more important by the age of 7. That need for approval can, in the long run, lead to behaviors such as cheating, drinking alcohol, or shoplifting. ​

​Positive and Negative Peer Pressure

​Peer pressure can take many forms, and it can be positive or negative. 

Sometimes your kids can get influenced negatively from their peers through things like other kids suggesting your child cuts class or encouraging your child to be mean to another child during sports or school.

Positive peer pressure can come in the form of other students or friends helping your child learn their homework through mnemonic devices or encouraging them to join clubs or sports. Your child can also be the positive influence on their friends by encouraging others to read a book they got excited about or telling them about their favorite sport.

​How to Handle Peer Pressure

​As a kid, making decisions can be hard, and when friends get involved, it can be even harder. Some kids give into peer pressure to be liked or are afraid of getting made fun of. Others may go along because they are curious about what other kids are doing. Kids need to practice making smaller decisions so when bigger decisions come along, they’ll be able to handle it. As a parent, there are things you can do to help your child resist peer pressure. When it comes to negative peer pressure, tell your kids there are a few ways to handle it:

1. Just say no - It can really help to have at least one other peer, or friend, who is willing to say "no," too. This takes a lot of the power out of peer pressure and makes it much easier to resist. It's great to have friends with values similar to your kids who will back them up when they don't want to do something.
2. Avoid people who pressure you - Help your child learn how to choose friends who don’t do drugs, cut class, smoke, or lie to their parents. Help them learn to be the friend that can help other kids walk away by saying something like, “I’m with you — let’s go.” ​Someone pressuring your child to do something illegal, harmful, or dangerous is not a friend. Talk about the virtues you want as a family and help them figure out if their friends possess important qualities.
3. Use an excuse - Let your child use you as an excuse to say no. They can say something like, “Oh no, my parents are so lame. Last time I did something like that, they were really upset. I’d better not.” This takes the heat off of them, so they don’t feel the pressure.
4. Walk away - It can be hard to say no to peers, so it may be easier to teach your kids to just walk away.  If they know what’s wrong and what they don’t want to do, they can stick with that. If you feel comfortable, use role play to help your child learn what to say during different situations. Teach them to:
   1. Say no first.
   2. If asked again, come up with an alternative.
   3. Walk away, if asked again.

​How to Be there for Your Kids During Peer Pressure

Have an Open-Door Policy
Let your child know they can come to you with any questions or concerns and that you won’t react harshly. Talk to your child about their day and tell them about yours. Listen when you need to, and offer encouragement or answer questions when your child needs it. If your child needs help solving a problem, ask them to come up with solutions and help them choose the best option.

​In a neutral manner, talk to your child about the difference between positive and negative peer pressure. 

GreatSchools.org suggests that when your child talks about what’s happening with their friends, stay as calm as you can. Avoid yelling, blaming, and lecturing. Use open-ended questions to get your child to think through the situation. Ask questions like, “I wonder if your friends realizes the consequences that can happen because of their choice?”
Stay Up-to-Date with Your Child’s Life
Know what your child likes by spending time with them. Get to know your child’s friends, and pay attention to where they’re going, what they’re doing, and when they’ll be home. Remind your child that if they ever feel like they are being pressured into something that’s unsafe, they can talk to an adult.

Make your home a safe place for your children to invite their friends to. Make it a place they want to bring their children home to. Offer meals or snacks to get time to sit down and chat with them. Take them places they want to go, and talk to them on the drive. This way, you can meet their friends and see the influence they have on your child.
Set Reasonable Rules
Maintain the same household rules for each child and let them know of the consequences of breaking them. Try not to be too rigid or unreasonable, and make sure the responsibilities are age-appropriate.
Encourage Healthy Hobbies and Activities
Teach your child about making health choices for smoking, alcohol, and drugs. If there is something questionable on TV or the media, talk to them about it, and let them know what the house rules are and what you think about it. Help them find books they can relate to where a character has to make difficult decisions in the face of adversity.

Let your child choose an extracurricular activity, club, team or workshop where they can increase self-esteem and gain positive friendships that can help them resist peer pressure.

American Kenpo in East Mesa Teaches How to Stand Up to Peer Pressure

Get your child involved in activities such as church, Scouts, or martial arts. Martial Arts are cool because they instill confidence and teach kids to fight and stand up for themselves. Grand Master Greg Silva of Black Belt Schools International says, "Sometimes saying ‘no’ isn't enough for bullies and peers. You must stand up for yourself even if you have to stand up alone. All kids should take at least 1 year of martial arts for confidence, fun and fitness." 
If you want to learn more about what we do, please fill out our online form or call us at 480-986-7177 today.

Our karate school encourages kids to know how to make good decisions and stand up for what they believe in. You are invited to try a Beginner's Martial Arts Workshop, for self defense, fitness and fun. Call us to register for this week's FREE community workshop for kids!